...just sayin'

Sitting in the med library attempting to study for finals.  In a weird mood.  Nothing is wrong with life, but feel so down.  I’ve been meeting so many wonderful people lately and one of them just kinda sorta hit me like a schoolbus (mean girls FTW). But really, they’re just on a whole different level.  I’ve met some pretty awesome people, but this one is just different.  From our first conversation until our little text messages, it sends me off to a whole other world.  Feelings I haven’t felt in years and to be quite honest, there needs to be more people like him.  He’s affected my life for the better. I’ve learned to trust again and enjoy life a bit more.  It’s amazing how one person can change your life, don’t you think?  I’m sitting here attempting to study, but I just can’t because I’m honestly just fascinated with this feeling.  I seriously cannot believe ONE person can make me feel so different and if I could only thank him in person, I would give everything I could to him.  So, a special message for that special someone: Thank you for bringing light back into my life; I did not think I could survive the rest of college until I met you.  I am thankful for every moment we have together.  If only so many more people could feel what you give me, you’d make such a difference in so many lives. You truly are one of the best people I have ever met <3

Here I am about to tell myself how I feel. So right now I am currently in a confusing state/phase in my life. I have currently been single for a little over two years now. Since I was 14 I had always someone by my side. It wasn’t because right after each guy I went on a hunt to search but because coincidentally I would meet someone who I instantly clicked with.

I have only been in 2 serious relationships and the others were just people I dated. But for about 6 years straight I had always been with someone. Now that I’m 21 and still single I feel numb. I feel every guy I might like, ends up being a “bust”. Everything will go great but once things start becoming a bit more serious I usually walk away because I’m scared of committing.

It’s so hard to explain right now but honestly I feel the need to type this out for my own sake. I have been talking to guys left to right and even at a point of 4 guys at once. I don’t know what I’m trying to accomplish. I know deep down I want to meet someone and feel like he’s “the one” but I think I’m just at this point where I need to actually ask myself, “what are my priorities” and “what actually makes me happy”. I like meeting and talking to these guys but deep down I just feel like I’m forcing myself to do things I really don’t want to do.

So now, I’m back at square one. I have ran away from all the guys who pursued chasing me and quite honestly this is the happiest I’ve been. I think as of now I know that being single is what’s best. I need to focus and love myself before anyone else.

Thanks Tumblr for letting me intervene.